|Tuesday, December 14th, 2004|
man i REALLY hope i dont have strep!
my throat is absoloutely killing me and ive taken meds all day so i dont really know how bad it is compared to yesterday exactly but it fucking hurts to swallow and ive resorted to spitting in a cup most of the time
ew that makes me feel like a jr high wrestler haha
i had to reschedule my tattoo appointment as well...for the 21st at 4:30 so no one let me forget im hoping im over this crap by then anyways!
ok...i guess ill pass out again soon since i can hardly swallow my own salive while awake agh fack my sinuses! Current Mood: sick
|Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004|
|okie...to GERMANY i go!
well im waiting for my stupid mother to answer her phone or show up and shes doing neither and she is supposed to be the one taking me to the airport today! BITCH ARG
if she fucks this up im killing her!
anyways...yeah im going to be gone for over 2 weeks actually from the 23rd (today) till Dec 9th
leave me messages if you want id sure appreciate feeling appreciated!
blaaaaaah i should call her again ugh she makes me so angry!
ok she finally answered gaaah shes coming soon...ok i should probably eat something right? i have a reaaaaally long flight ahead of me and knowing how food on flights goes i wont be getting much haha so yeah i think ill have some pumpkin pie and uhh i dunno what else...i have to eat the pie or itll just go bad while im gone so yay for pie!
we have to look at my dogs ear while shes here too god i hope its doing better than it was the other day! egh!
hmmm ok well pie time and then i leave so yeah bye for a few weeks! Current Mood: anxious
|Sunday, November 7th, 2004|
ok this lack of IAM is really starting to bug me...i have to update HERE eewwww
anyways hell has frozen over I HAVE CLEANED MY ROOM! its not like spotless but you can see almost all of the floor! well except for where my furniture and blankets are anyways...theres more to do but i think im too lazy to keep going
now if someone would kindly donate about $1000 to me i can get the furniture i need so i have somewhere to PUT all this shit!
i have to go get cat food today because my dogs a dumb bitch and ate HALF A BAG of iams kitten chow...yeah that stuffs like $9 a bag and shes been barfing the last couple days (i stepped in some today...fuck!) ugh stupid stupid dog i dont know whats been up with her lately but i might need to take her to the vet to get checked out (which i cant afford) because shes just been ravenous and eating or trying to eat EVERYTHING and shes lost a lot of weight since we got her diet food...so either she needs normal food now or more of the diet stuff or maybe she got fucking worms somehow (the cat doesnt have them she was just checked) dagnabbit!
well uh i have to finish moving stuff around then clean the floors then maybe ill get to some painting done today then maybe Ray will get online so i can ask him if he wants to hang out and get coffee tonight or something...im bored and i need fresh meat hrm yeah haha Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, October 26th, 2004|
i dont really have anything to talk about right now i guess
stuff sucks it always does Current Mood: blank
|Tuesday, October 12th, 2004|
|bathtub full of blood and quicksand
nothing has really changed
i still wish i could just not be
a new and surprising friendship tattoos and orders for paint jobs still dont make anything worth it
i have no one to take comfort in
the rare phone call is all im worthy of anymore i guess
even wishing to go back in time would be fruitless as ive seen history repeat its self many times
i want to sink in
to something far away and withering
to someplace worth crying for
i want to see the shell
to be light enough to blow there
to be musty raw and shivering
i want to bleed for a reason
maybe tomorrow will be different
though one cant hold their breath forever Current Mood: depressed
|Thursday, October 7th, 2004|
(copy/paste IAM diary)
how easy everyone elses hearts move on
im the one still stuck behind
ive lost any desire i had to do anything today
it was already bad enough
so whats it feel like to be unnecessary one now?
i already know
im restless i want to go do something stupid
but i think im too cheap too chicken shit to do it
yet im not doing anything any better here
no i wont ill stay brood and drift in and out of focus
my hands are freezing and my tired head just wants to quit
lonely fucking shakes
i knew id be the one always left behind Current Mood: depressed
|Thursday, September 30th, 2004|
|MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!
k...got a car!!!
and thar it be!
YAY 97 jetta GT and its MIIIINE! paid $5700 after tax and everything (i owe dad like 2k now eek) and it has 114200some miles on it but thats very average for a jetta of this year...they usually have like 130ish by now but it runs nice and strong and handles like yikes nice haha it feels like youre going 20 under EVERYWHERE its so weird haha i accidentally started going 50 up forest canyon on the way home and i was TRYING to take it easy but well thats not what the VW wants to do...its such a nice little car though its very clean theres no major problems with the body just a few nicks and tiny scratches but its a 7 year old car afterall!
the interior is sorta odd it looks like airplane seats LOL strange Germans!
the difference between my old car and my new one is huge though! dont get me wrong ill love the GT forever it was my first car and was awesome in its own evil spunky snatchy way but this is like a whole nother level with this car...sure it doesnt have as much hp as the GT but thats fixable haha quite easily i believe but thatll have to wait anyways
gah i love it i want to go drive it more but i dont want to put miles on it either! LOL
im in love...damn Germans... Current Mood: bouncy
|Thursday, September 16th, 2004|
got tattooed tuesday...im semi symmetrical again which is a nice feeling
however every other part of my life seems unbalanced
i am casting horses but its lovely how ppl that say they will buy something seem to vanish once you announce its in production
i may be getting new tires (plus rims) for the car this saturday for $200 from my brother...low profile tires here i come
(provided they fit and he can get a replacement for one thats flat or something at les schwab)
i cant afford that right now either
my brother also mentioned asking about a job for me where he works but im not getting excited about it
he wants me to move in with him somewhere but i would end up trying to kill him after a few days...hes one person i know i cant live with
i hate life
my room looks like Ivan hit it
i need to just curl up and die because i have no future
i have nothing
i want more tattoos and i will get my fish started as soon as my shoulders are done and i have the money
why bother decorating the skin i dont want to live in? because it keeps me grounded a little tiny bit well correction im too grounded it gives me soemthing to look forward to that wont change or go away like everything else ive lived for has
my stomach hurts and i ate way too much today and i will make up for it tomorrow
i have no reason to eat
why would an empty shell need nourishment?
i want wild dogs to eat out my ovaries Current Mood: depressed
|Sunday, September 12th, 2004|
ok well its official!
i bought tickets today! IM GOING TO GERMANY!
i leave Nov 23rd (tues but itll be wed when i get to Germany) and i leave Dec 9th thats a hair over 2 weeks....oh boy!
i have to try to smuggle cheese
i have a headache right now i sprayed the house down with citrus spray and its giving me a pretty decent headache...uuuugh!
i also mopped go me
hopefully tonight ill know if ill have a good enough mold to cast resins out of after the rubber finishes curing but thats hours from now and im B-O-R-E-D someone come take me to sharis or something goddamnit ive pretty much wasted this entire weekend sitting around being lonely and depressed and pouring mold rubber so i better get a decent mold out of this or im going to be very pissed!
Ginny says the beer there is cheaper than the water im scared i hate beer! she said she wanted to try to get me drunk at least once but i told her i just fall asleep while intoxicated so she said maybe not then LOL but i will have to sample the alcohol just for the hell of it since well how often do you get to go to another country like that? and its uh my heritage or some shit LOL
i think id like to see some scary industrial club or something while im there LOL wheeeee lets go DANCING Ginny har har
im very excited though if you cant tell its only a few months away! wow i need another camera memory card so that i may photographically document this glorious experiance haha ive seriously wanted to go to Germany for as long as i can remember now this is going to be awesome! Current Mood: ecstatic
|Wednesday, September 8th, 2004|
|ground fucking zero
its weeks like this that make me want to choke myself to death with my phone cord
its been at least 3 days
guess he just doesnt care
if there isnt a good reason then im going to have a good reason to be pissed
i havent eaten more than a few jelly beans all day
screw it i dont need food to die Current Mood: depressed
|Friday, September 3rd, 2004|
i am so fucking tired right now!
my cat is molestering me agaaaain shes so cute when shes nice!
ok did anyone have any plans with me for this weekend???? i cant remember and Kristin wanted me to go to the cabin with her (and brandon and his bf)n and i told her i needed to find out if i had any plans and well im dumb as a box of rocks sometimes and i cant REMEMBER if i had any! hahah ooops!
i dont think i did besides calling the clay art center and seeing if they had any PAM S111 in yet
so yell at me if we had plans i have to know today
i saw Justin briefly yesterday...it was nice i miss the guy!
ok i just want to fall asleep with my kitty kneading my boobs and not wake up till 10 heh im so exhausted damnit! Current Mood: exhausted
|Wednesday, August 25th, 2004|
its pitch black outside
just a few days ago it seems there was light
its pouring and i can hear it and that sound
makes me smile
its not cold yet and thats just how i like it
warm and wet
im being molested by my cat again every day she does this i let her out of her room (where i keep her so she doesnt pee on stuff heh) and she puuuuuuuuuurrrrrs
and kneads my boobs and licks my neck if she can and OW it hurts!
well i have to go find something i might eat later and go to work joy i dont want to do anything but sit and listen to the rain right now
my soundtrack Current Mood: tired
|Thursday, August 19th, 2004|
|CALLING VIRGINIA!!! (haha that sounds wrong)
i went and did the passport thing today finally! it should be here by the last week of sept!
give me a few weeks to try to catch my poor aching bank account up (after insurance and lots of other expensive things grr) before i buy tickets alright? we shall have to check everything again and all that
and WHERE WILL YOU BE LIVING BY NOVEMBER?! do you know yet? i need to buy those resins (and perhaps a few more to paint and sell if i can afford it!) but i will need to know before i come there if shes going to ship them to you there or if were just going to go GET them from her personally which would be fun...we shall want to go there (munchen ehehe i dont have the dots!) anyways yes? wow this is exciting! hehehehe GET BACK TO ME OR I SHALL CRY!
ok im going to go inhale oil paint and thinner fumes for a few hours now wheee Current Mood: excited
|Sunday, August 15th, 2004|
grrrrrr it looks like the place i wanted to buy railroad stripe denim from doesnt carry it anymore cause its not on the site and they didnt have it in stock when i found it (something about some mills going out of business and it being very hard to get now) and that peeeeeses me off that was the real shit heavy weight levis stuff :( gr now all im going to find is some pansy light stuff thats not going to be any good...
not that i can finish a project anyways
hmmmm im fat and i need a shower not a good combo
my neck hurts i really need to buy a desk but im too cheap at the moment
two of my friends owe me substantial amounts of money...grr i need more tattoos!
i need my new tattoo to stop being weird on me and heal already
i still need a shower
why is this turning into an 'i need' list?
im lonely and it sucks
blah blah blah blah
thats what ill look like in about 30 mins Current Mood: bored
|Thursday, August 5th, 2004|
alright now i have to do this too haha damn you guys!!!
A is for - Age: twenty
B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: uh neither technically
C is for - Career in Future: uhhhhmmmmm being a loser count?
D is for - Dead person you would like to meet: no one that i cant think of right now
E is for - Essential item: there is no ONE item...chai tea is good though
F is for - Favorite song at the moment: uuuuhhh skin and atmosphere-36 crazyfists
G is for - Guy/Girls you've kissed: uh uhhh 4?
H is for - Hometown: ive had a few but i think sumner is it
I is for - Instruments you play: used to play trumpet and i sing every day its fun
J is for - Job title: office support, purchaser, supplies/shipping 'technician'
K is for - Kicks Ass: eer wha?
L is for - Living places: graham, spanaway, sumner/bonney lake/lake tapps
M is for - Most memorable moment of today: i cant remember it
N is for - Number of people you've slept with: id rather not talk about that...
O is for - Overnight hospital stays: none!
P is for - Phobias: asphyxiation, snakes, heartbreak
Q is for - Quotes you like: "It's not that I think about shit all the time...it just comes out of my mouth!" me haha
R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: collectively? over 2 years...with a 9 month gap between the years
S is for - Sexuality: im totally going for the goats haha im with you kenin!
T is for - Time: 10:54pm
U is for - Unique trait(s): my love for roadkill, evil gremlin child noises, artistic as fuck...
V is for - Vegetable you love: a few
W is for - Worst habit(s): eating (or lack of it at times), being a bitch, being lazy, never finishing anything
X is for - X-rays you've had: lots of my teeth and my left eye maybe i think
Y is for - Yummy food you make: paprika pasta, pancakes, chicken pasta, some others
Z is for - Zodiac sign: pisces the emotionally fucked sign! yay Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, August 4th, 2004|
oh the joy! i have one shoulder done! well pretty much done anyways...YAY!
im so tired though...i think it was at least 2hrs if not more we took some breaks so i lost track of time we got taco time mmmm
well im going to go to bed...ill post pics some other time when its not late and all that jazz! YAY FOR NEW TATTOOS! Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, July 28th, 2004|
|mwuaaahahaa ima going to GEEERMANY!
ginny see linky
if that didnt work...i believe i put it for un november 24th (fuck thanxgiving!) to december 8th and its $529 on northwest airlines (not some scary foreign one yay haha) and goddamnit they better feed me a hardcore meal or two for that much money!
the only things im concerned with are the times i have to leave Germany (i think its like 6somethingam) and the time i will get home (12somethingpm) and finding ppl to pick me up! haha and HOW will we get to the airport since you wont have a car there? hmmmm
i wont buy tickets till i a) get a passport (or start the process...it doesnt have to be IN MY HANDS but i gotta go fill out the shit and all haha) and b) find out what my daily spending limit on my debit card is to make sure i can BUY the tickets with it otherwise ill have to ask my dad or someone with a credit card to do it!
wheeee! this is so exciting! and after going to colorado by myself flying to europe doesnt seem quite as scary as it would have before haha i will have to change planes in amsterdam though eeeeek haha im just wondering about all the customs shit and all that i dont know how that works ill have to ask ginners
doo do do doo do do GEEEEEERMANY! Current Mood: sore
|Thursday, July 15th, 2004|
still netless...im at kristins for the night and tomorrow i disappear for the weekend on my 'mystery' trip that only ppl i trust know about right now LOL so KEEP IT THAT WAY GUYS! la la laaa i feel sorta guilty telling my dad a lie...he left a note asking me what pills to give the dog with dinner and at the end said have fun and be careful love dad...heh...yeah...im a bitch child!
i will be careful as careful as i can be in the situation im putting myself into
but im not stupid entirely
i need to push my personal boundries and this might do it a little
i want to look into fashion design classes maybe even if i cant take any right now
hmm what else to talk about? i dont know kristin is making me dinner heehee im so spoiled! Current Mood: anxious
|Sunday, June 27th, 2004|
|NOT MY MILKSHAKE WHAAAAA
(copy paste IAM diary)
I HATE MY CUP HOLDERS!!!!!!
if i EVER find out who designed the cup holders in my car i WILL shoot the stupid bastard!!!!
i went and bought a large marshmallow shake at the dairy freeze on my way home from the fabric store (where i didnt find what i was looking for grrrr) because its hot out and well i love marshmallow shakes...i figured it would be safe enough in my stupid too big around for any normal cup and only 1/2" deep cup holder unlike the coffee i put in it once that tipped and spilled since well it was a shake and uh maybe the lid would stay on and i would drive nice and careful so it wouldnt tip
well im sure you know how this story ends
i go not like 100ft and the fucking cup tips and dumps my beloved shake all over the passanger side floor! FUCKING BASTARD CUP HOLDERS!
luckily this time it was a shake and it was thick enough to not spill everywhere it just sorta splatted onto the floormat and not all over the carpet
mind you my car needs cleaned very badly already...but goddamnit i paid like over $4 for that fucking shake and i got to drink like 1/3 of it! ARG!!!!! im going to go downstairs now and make a butterscotch shake with my vitamix to make up for it :( WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Current Mood: angry
ah im shaking but laughing very hard at the same time...hahahahahahaa
so yes...back to uh not doing anything all day
too bad all my stuff is at the house now i cant even sew or do anything else at all and all i have to eat here is ice cream and bagels oh boy! oh and some beef jerky mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm jerky!
bean is up with my dad at the house too...but im going up there tues i guess for a week without any contact with the outside world oh shit thats going to be boring but i need to get my room straightened out anyways...then ill work on some stuff then ill uh play with my dog since im bringing her home this thurs and ill uh i dunno ill find something to do im creative or some shit!
theres so many things on ebay i want right now! i shouldnt buy them though...i have too many articles of clothing as it is and im going to get rid of some of them damnit! so i can buy new ones...egh! LOL baaaad bad bad! Current Mood: amused